yakety yak

I'm certainly not the first person to complain about this, but I really can't stand it when people talk incessantly on their cell phones while riding on public transit.

The violators fall into two categories: the first type is the passenger who has nothing to say but never stops talking. Usually this person boards the train with lips already flapping and one shoulder hunched to hold the cell phone tight against the ear. This breed of cell phoners NEVER gets off the phone for the entire ride, even if it means calling every single person in their address book. This person needs a babysitter. Luckily, these motor mouths usually disembark before the train reaches the city, probably to go to a shopping mall.

Type 2 is basically "Type A." This cell phoner turns the entire train car into his or her office space. The work day begins on the train and all of us get to share in this person's business matters. The device is typically a Blackberry, but beginners will use a Razr. Forget confidentiality: we all know by the end of the call exactly what you think of your clients!

One of my friends in Switzerland told me that the Swiss solved this problem by creating a train car just for cell phone yakkers. These train cars must resemble the glass-boxed "smoking room" at airports, where people pace back and forth in a smoke-clogged room with cigarettes in their hands. Maybe the cell phone IS the new cigarette.

Don't most mobile-phone service providers allow text messaging now? Use 'em.